I was out riding today (yes, I forgot my camera again) and I was thinking back over the last 2 months and how having cancer has effected (or is it affected) me.
It's a hard question to answer because there's really "two" me's right now.
One is the fun loving, sarcastic, pain in the ass, who would rather be just riding his bike than anything else...Todd that you have all come to know and love.
The second is a beaten down, leave me alone Todd that, well, really sucks. It sucks for me too, not just you guys. So when it's polar opposites, it's hard to describe.
The new medicine regime seems to have really helped out the last week or so and it seems everything is much easier to control.
I think that if this progress keeps up, I'm only going to become a better person after all of this (I know, it's hard to believe "this" can get much better). But now it definately feels like there is optimism in the Toddre camp.
Cancer and chemo is a funny thing, it really beats you down physically and mentally but if you can mentally stay really strong, the physical part is much easier to overcome. Brain definately trumps body in the fight.
Because of the wonderful advice from Dr Davis, I really feel that now I want take this on and beat it. Notice I said "want to take it on", not "have to". Looking back on things I can say that mentally, I've never been the strongest person . I feel that changing now, and in a weird way, I owe it to cancer.
Monday I start my 3rd week of chemo, and my body may hate it, but I'm developing the mental tools to be able to overcome it all.
I'm ready to beat this thing....