When when I started blogging about what was going on, I promised myself that I was going to be open and truthful about everything that was going on physically and mentally. I know this philosophy can be hard and even embarrasing at times, but I think it serves two purposes.
One I think it's theraputic for me to just kind of "let go" and let it all out.
Second, I really want/hope that this blog can help others who need it. Cancer really sucks and every little bit helps in the end, even from some hack blogger....
Well here it goes.... This past week and change I've really been dealing with a severe bout of depression. I'm walking around with the head down and a black cloud following me around that wants to open a can of whoop ass on me.
I'm contantly exhausted and down. This has happened to me before during this, but not for such a long time. There are times where I just find myself tearing up and asking "why me"?
Usually when I get like this, a small bit of physical activity usually helps, but this time I can't even get out to do that. Makes me wonder how much of this "exaustion" is physical and how much is mental. I would bet most of it's mental.
I feel really bad for my wife. I've been a pain in the ass to be around and really not contributing much. In her words, "she's a fixer, and she can't fix this" . It's hard for everyone.
Being the "fixer" that she is, Connie took the intitiative and called the dr's and decided a slight tweak in meds is in order. Well that starts today and we'll see how that goes.
The port problem was a real set back mentally. What makes it hard is that there's only 4 more of these damn things and then that's it. But it's hard to keep your head up when it's one step foward and two steps back.
Ok, well that's it for now. Thanks for listening......